I immediately felt nauseous. I knew at any moment I was about to take a trip to ‘Euuurope’…to visit my uncle ‘Hurl’ and cousin ‘Rallllph’.
I had practiced for two solid weeks or more. I had played Dad’s Roger Miller album over and over…until I was sure I’d exorcised every last note from the vinyl.
As I was walking down the road to catch the bus on the morning of the talent contest, I was sure I heard the birds whistling the tune to “King of the Road’’…snapping their tiny bird fingers to the beat!
“Trailer for sale for rent
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain’t got no cigarettes…”
I knew that song like Bill Gates knows cybernetics, I had it down pat. And in keeping to the character of the song, I had gone all out to look the part of a hobo (oh wait!…is hobo a politically correct term these days? …okay, better change that to urban outdoorsman). I rolled-up the legs of my coveralls and wore a ratty flannel shirt. I’d even made a knapsack out of a red bandana.
I was seriously bringin’ it!
I was so excited. I couldn’t wait for lunch period to end. Beaming with confidence…I knew I was going to nail it. I think I was 4th in the lineup. I was wound tighter than Aunt Lucy’s muffin top in spandex… I just wanted everyone else to hurry and finish so I could have my five minutes of fame.
Finally, my much-anticipated moment had arrived. I was only seconds from greatness. I took a deep breath as I stood on stage behind those two burgundy red velveteen curtains… “Was I ready for this?” I asked myself. “Yes, I am ready for this,” came my inflated ego’s reply.
I was only seconds from greatness!
Then, the curtains began to slowly open. And suddenly all I could see was an ocean of them…EYES… it seemed like there was a gazillion of them and they were all staring at ME! Glaring, penetrating, intense, big ones, small ones, blue ones, brown ones all piercing bullet holes in my self-confidence.
And immediately, like air being expelled from a million balloons all at once…spizzzzitttt…my ego deflated and flew off into the sunset leaving me standing there, speechless, songless and well…mortified might sum it up nicely.
Yep, the ‘King of the Road’ without prior warning had left town, lyrics and all. (Elvis, or in this case The King had left the building)…or at least my mind anyway. It was a total blank, for the life of me, I could not remember the first word of the song.
It seemed like centuries passed…
It seemed like centuries that I stood there…google-eyed, mouth open…total silence! To say it was getting uncomfortable would be an understatement of massive proportions. Finally, I was able to move two fingers, then with some degree of difficulty, I was able to pry my hand loose from my coveralls pocket (white knuckles and all).
My body was so stiff I could barely move – finally, the two brain cells that were still working (howbeit they were sputtering) kicked in and I managed to make hand gestures to the teacher in charge of working those burgundy red velveteen curtains. I’m pretty sure I prayed, “Please God, make the curtains close… You rescued David from Goliath; You delivered Daniel from the lion’s den…I’m not asking for a ‘Red Sea split’ or anything like that, but if You could see fit to make these here red curtains ‘un-split’, ‘de-split’, uh, ‘close’, I’d be much obliged.”
Finally, the curtains swoosh shut! (Whew! Thank You, Lord!)
After the show, I can recall, as though it were yesterday, that torturous walk back to the classroom – every step echoing louder and louder down that long hallway of shame. I reached up to turn the doorknob and I could hear the teacher talking. I paused to listen. “Now students, remember…don’t say anything when she comes in. Don’t tease her or say a word about it.”
Okay, that just confirmed my suspicions… yepper, everyone HAD noticed that I stood there mid-stage dumbfounded with a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face without uttering (or singing) nary a word.
Those unfortunate few moments…
I guess in my naïve eleven-year-old mind I’d hoped…I’d prayed…wished (and even lied to myself) that maybe, possibly, could it be that time and space had simply stood still for those unfortunate few moments and once the time lapse was over everyone’s memories would mysteriously have been erased.
Uh…well, nope! That didn’t happen!
I slithered in underneath the door and slinked to my desk without making eye contact with anyone. Lord, knows I’d already made enough eye contact that day! (One more favor Lord, “Can this day be over now!”)
That may sound like a funny story NOW…but to an eleven-year-old grade schooler who had thoroughly and completely embarrassed herself in front of God and everybody, it was no laughing matter.
It was traumatic – which brings me to the reason for my post. And for my point, I want to cite the last part of 1 Samuel 30:6…
…but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.
He was in a very serious situation…he had lost everything; his two wives and children were kidnapped by the Amalekites. Not only that, but all his men had lost theirs too and blamed David – they spoke of stoning him.
Talk about having a bad day! Dag-gum!!!
(I saw that word…Dag-gum… somewhere and decided I kind of liked it, so I’ve adopted it into my non-cussing, ‘alternative word’ repertoire. Sound a little too redneckish?…yea, I may have to rethink that.)
The last phrase in verse 6 of 1 Samuel, chapter 30, tells how he handled the situation. It simply says that he encouraged himself in the Lord.
So, whether you are an eleven-year-old grade schooler having self-confidence issues or the ruler of a kingdom with fairly more serious problems, go to God with it!
Seriously, this can make all the difference. Just the other day, I was so low, I was lower than a wagon wheel rut in rainy season… Okay, twentieth century alert…(let me rephrase that) I was so low, I was lower than a pair of Levi’s jeans in the Bronx.
‘Sagging’!
I just found out that that fashion faux pas (wearin’ your pants at half-mast of the moon) actually has a name, it is called ‘sagging’!
Hey, if ‘sagging’ is the happenin’ thing these days…some of you (okay… ‘us’) over let’s say 59 ….have really got it goin’ on, no matter WHAT we wear. Just sayin’.
Anyway, I was so low and dejected. The thoughts going through my mind were simply torture (I thought…if I could just escape my own mind for just a little while that would be heaven.)
I sat at the kitchen table and just poured my heart out to Jesus. I said, “I need Your help…You are the only One who can help me. I am hopeless and helpless without You. Please help me.” (That was pretty much it…we don’t have to beg; He’s glad for us to come to Him. And most of all, He delights to help us.)
Psalm 91:15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.
I can’t tell you how or exactly when it happened, but it was like those tormenting thoughts just went “poof” and they were gone! (I could almost hear the negative thought bubbles in my mind bursting, ‘pop’, ‘pop’, ‘pop’ one by one into thin air.) Praise the LORD!
Later, when I tried to remember what I had been so upset about, it was as if my mind simply would NOT go there. It was like a ‘Holy Spirit firewall’ or something, shielding my mind from all those undesirable thought viruses.
Call on Jesus today; I promise you will be glad you did.
As always…I would love to hear your comments, your opinions, and your thoughts.
